just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
