even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
