Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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