we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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