I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
