I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
