I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
