Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
