Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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