I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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