I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
