Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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