Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
