she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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