I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
