I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
