I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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