marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
