They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
