If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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