I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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