I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
