Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
