I wish I could punch you in the face.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
