So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
