Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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