I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
