Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
