My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
