So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
