onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
