just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
