Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Barsexuality is the new black.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
