If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
