Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
