So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
