Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
