You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
