you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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