it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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