you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
