He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
