I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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