I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
