and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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