I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
