you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
