I cannot find my penis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
