Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
