Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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