i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
