To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
