Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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