So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
