Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
