Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
