She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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