just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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