wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
