i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
