Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize