My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
