he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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