Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
