Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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