Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
