there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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