All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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