also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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