either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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