spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
