Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
