Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize