What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
