i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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