This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
