There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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